It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday...

Does anyone else remember the song, "It's so hard to say goodbye," by Boys II Men? This song came to mind because Ann left today...it feels writing that or even saying it aloud. I keep thinking that I'll see her tomorrow or the next day but I won't. I will see her again one day though; it may not be for quite a few months but our reunion is inevitable. During our time together in Korea, our lives became so closely entwined that it's hard to imagine not seeing her everyday or having our daily chats. As we had brunch together - Ann, Jason, Patrick, Gayeon and me - each moment brought us closer to the impending farewell but I'd like to view it as a delayed see you later. It has a less of a melancholy ring to it. As we ate our tuna kimbap, bibimbap, kimchi mandu, jjolmyeon and kimchijjigae, I could feel my numbness creeping up on me. Sometimes when a situation becomes too emotional, a numbness sweeps over me and it allows me to place myself apart from what's going on. I guess you could call it a defense mechanism because it's easier to not deal with the emotions, but all the pent up emotions fester and boil over in the end. As we were at the bus terminal, it didn't feel real. When we hugged though, that's when the reality of the situation hit me and my sadness poured out. There was so much I wanted to say to her but none of it came out. I wanted to thank her for her unconditional love and support, her words of wisdom, her openness, her sense of adventure, her serenity. I wanted to express to her how much she's helped me to stay grounded and how appreciative and blessed I am  to have met her and become best friends with. All of this I just couldn't express at the moment but I hoped she felt it through our embrace. I hope she gets back safe and sound with no changes in her flight. Her presence will be missed greatly. You know how in the movies when two people are bidding farewell, they sometimes have flashbacks about their times together? This is exactly what happened as we watched the bus leave and walking out of the terminal. Vivid images of time with Ann raced through my mind. Our Friday night grocery shopping at Home Plus. We had so much fun that night and on the way there, we'd stopped at a kimbap shop and ordered so much food! We ate bibimbap, kimchijjigae and kimchi mandu^^ Let's just say that we were excited about food and for our upcoming adventure. We had a blast that night and I can't remember a time where I'd had that much fun in a grocery store. Our morning walks to and from school. Our daily hugs. Sharing food. Our weekend adventures. The list goes on. It's sometimes hard to let people in for fear of watching them walk out. I know that it happens to everyone and that it's a part of life but it doesn't make it any easier. I read the book, Primal Wound: Understand the Adopted Child, and the author wrote a section about separation and how it's harder for adoptees given that they are separated at birth from their birth mother. Essentially what the book states is that due to this at birth separation, adoptees have an extremely difficult time handling separation from anyone. We experience separation anxiety and when we become attached to people, we struggle to let go. Even if we know that the separation is only temporary, the sense of loss goes back to the original loss, that of the birth mother, and it can become too painful to cope with so we turn off our emotions. It was an insightful book so if you have the chance, please give it a shot. Sorry for going off on a tangent. Earlier this past week, I told Ann that I didn't want to be distant knowing that she was leaving. I wanted to try hard to not close off from her. 


Ann's departure made me think about Rachel leaving as well. Her last day is on Friday and though she'll be traveling within Asia for a month and then coming back to Korea for a few days before heading back to Canada, it still feels like a double whammy. Okay, I can't think about that now. Then, my thoughts lead to when it's my time to leave and I couldn't think about it anymore because it was too much. It'll be really hard to say farewell to loved ones here especially since some have become like family. Ahh, too much thinking going on right now.


Time is precious. Every moment is sacred and should be cherished. I'm going to let myself feel the sadness instead of pushing it away. This too shall pass. I apologize to those of you reading this; I don't mean to sound down, but it's just one of those times. We all go through it. It will all be okay. Give time time.


I plan on being a little more studious - perhaps the wrong term - during the remainder of my time here. I'm going to try hard to focus on learning more Korean (I know I mentioned that in an earlier blog but it hasn't really been successful yet). Also, I'd like to experience more adventures and take as many pictures as I can. The kids are doing great; even with my bit naughtier class, I really do love them. Sometimes I worry about their progress and if they're continuing to move forward, but they reassure me that they are. There are remarkable moments where one student will say or ask something that demonstrates that they are learning. They're absolutely wonderful and though we have our good and bad days, we get through it together. 


I hope you're all doing well while sharing laughter and smiles with loved ones. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Peace and love to you all.

For my birthday, Ann, Rachel and I went out to TGI Friday's and then to noraebang (karaoke)

Here's Lisa!!! We met up in Taiwan! 

Hannah! She's also a Hello Kitty fan^^

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Isn't he cool? ^-^

My birthday cake made by Ann and Gayeon. Delicious!